I Am HAMAN
MyLife Essay Contest 2018
In this Essay we will discuss the struggle of low self worth and the way to redeem oneself from its pitfalls using the Method described in the Megillah according to Chassidus.
Hi My Name is Haman Ha-agagi and in recent events I have swiftly risen to power. I have entered into the heart and mind of a modern day Chassid and I’m optimistic that soon i will celebrate his complete spiritual decline, But first let me tell you a bit about myself.
I grew up in a nation called Amalek and the way of life for us is to bring constant coldness and doubt towards anything uplifting and spiritual . At war with Hashem, we are Desperately seeking the annihilation of the Jewish people r”l.
So here is where things got tricky for me. At first upon entering the mind of the Chassid, I ordered him to stop doing good things but he totally ignored me. See the Jewish people are all righteous and as the Chazal tell us “even the “sinners” of Israel are full of Mitzvot as a pomegranate is full of seeds”. Now thats alot of Mitzvot. He just wouldn’t stop.
I was about to give up when as a last resort tactic I whispered to him; “hey Chassid, do you think the good deeds you do make a difference?” I explained to him whats higher then the spiritual cosmos is something called ‘Kachashecha Kaorah’  literally translated as a level where darkness and light are the same. Maybe within the cosmos you are amazing , but when reaching higher, your deeds simply have no meaning. Let me show you that just as a lottery is pulled out totally random, so to your good deeds don’t objectively matter on high.
The Chassid listened to my schpil and he started to slow down. He broke, His good deeds became a burdon and his fire was all but lost, it seemed as though I won.
But then a fellow named Mordecai came along and he breathed fire right back into the life of this Chassid. Mordecai told the Chassid ; “it’s true what Haman says that above the Cosmos Darkness is same as light. ‘As esau and Jacob are Brothers, Nevertheless says Hashem, Esov I Hate and Jacob I love”.
Mordecai explained that although on the highest of levels, G-d Almighty chooses not based on deeds but as a lottery. A place of Complete free Choice. Guess what Says Mordecai, Hashem chooses you! It’s an Essential choice.
Now for the practical application…we really need to meditate on the the value of our divine service…for me personally I like to imagine a owner of a car dealership that has unlimited amounts of the most fancy and expensive cars and he can choose to ride in any car he chooses. Yet he asks the Janitor for his bent out of place old pickup truck that most often wont even start. The janitor looks at the owner in wonder this old pickup is what you want?!
I often wonder how Hashem seeing all my imperfections and despite having endless angels at his side who serve him perfectly never slowing down in their love and awe of Hashem, wants this broken heart that often cant feel any love, the engine simply just wont work. Hashem you choose me?!
Thank you Mordicai for making me aware that Hashem who is beyond the world and fills the entire world yet seeks my heart to see if im serving him properly! (Tanya chapter 51) Now imagine How much lighter i feel doing those Mitzvot, Knowing that Hashem Chooses me essentially and it’s only that essential choice finding self expression! This meditation directly results is Joy and Fire in the good deeds I do.
Things backfired for Haman today! Never did he imagine what his whispering can cause. A major unprecedented return to Torah and Mitzvot and ultimately a rebuilding of the Temple by Ezra the Scribe, So may it be for us this year in the merit of revealing our essential bond with Hashem and the joy in observance of Torah and Mitzvot that comes along with it we will merit the complete rebuilding of the Beit Hamikdash, speedily, Now!
Notes  Kehot Chumash Exodus 17:8 [2-5] Torat Menachem Maamar Al ken mamar 2 5713