Soul-Based Relationships

MyLife Essay Contest

The greatest struggle of our generation lies in our relationships. Perhaps it goes even beyond our generation. Perhaps it is the greatest struggle of the world to live in peace and harmony. Every day we face other human beings, forced to react to comments and criticisms. In a world where every single newspaper headlines tragedies and disputes, or television news stations which cover crime and war, it is hard to trust people anymore. It is hard to love people and show compassion because the world has become gruesome. The world has become mad, driven by greed and honor, material success and power struggles. This is not a world that seems to be so kind and caring anymore. So as human beings we feel safer turning inward and we learn how to shield ourselves from attack. We build walls and do not allow anyone to enter until they have earned our trust. We focus on self-preservation instead of outward acts of kindness and love. Until I became Torah-observant I really believed that the world was a threatening place. I felt that people were conniving and manipulative, and certainly not authentic. I began exploring the world of Judaism because one day I heard a holocaust survivor speak about the word “neshama,” the Jewish soul, and how every Jew has one within them. I wanted to understand what it meant to have a soul, but to my surprise it went even deeper than that. After discovering ChaBad Chassidus of the Alter Rebbe, his book of Tanya taught me that I am a soul, not just that I contain one. The message there is far deeper than any philosophy class I ever took during university. Friends, in this essay I wish to share with you a great life-transforming lesson that Rabbi Schneir Zalman of Liadi (the Alter Rebbe) taught me from chapter 32 of Tanya. It is my true desire that the following words speak to anyone who is on a path of self-knowledge and understanding, to anyone who has ever questioned who they are and what it means to be a soul in this world.

Becoming a ba’alat teshuva (i.e. a person who decides to take a great leap of faith and clings to G-d) through an orthodox community was one of the most irrational things I had ever chosen to do in my life. It required abandoning 20 years of secular education, liberal beliefs, and Western ideals. The liberal beliefs I was not too tied down to in the first place because they never made much sense to me, but Western ideals of fame, materialism, and success were really hard to let go of. I found myself being judged by the clothes that I wore and what achievements I had made, rather than being judged for who I was on the inside. Chapter 32 of Tanya was the first chapter I ever read of Chassidic text. It caught my attention when it was explained to me that the number 32 in Hebrew gematria contained the equivalent numerical value of the Hebrew word for heart. Awwww, so appropriate! This chapter was all about loving another person in the exact same manner that you love yourself. You know all those self-help books that always profess the old saying, “You can’t love anyone until you love yourself”? Well, it is based on Chabad Chassidus! The reason why I was being judged externally was because I was doing it to my own self. That was a hard lesson for me to swallow.

The Alter Rebbe writes, “To view one’s body with scorn and contempt, and to find joy in the joy of the soul alone is a direct and easy path toward fulfilling the mitzvah, ‘You shall love your fellow as yourself,’ with regard to every Jew both great and small.’” What he is saying is that you cannot judge a book by its cover – you cannot look at someone else and judge them as bad or good based on what they look like.

In other words, when you look at another person with the understanding that he is a soul, a spark of Infinite potential, then you will come to love him purely for what he is. You will come to appreciate him as a piece of G-dliness rather than a physical body.

He goes on to explain that every Jew is like a brother, and just as brothers are connected by a powerful bond that can never be severed, so too is every Jew connected to one another because we all come from the same parent – the One G-d of Israel who loves each and every one of His creations. Yes, He does have an affinity towards the Jews because we actually contain a piece of Him (as stated in Chapter 2 of Tanya, “The second, uniquely Jewish, soul is truly ‘ a part of G-d above’”), but nevertheless, He loves every one of His creations. Being that we as human beings are His creations, we have a responsibility to see the good in others, even if their only merit is that they are simply creations of a Great Benevolent Creator. When you look at another person this way, you immediately identify that they have intrinsic value and goodness. Yes, there is evil within the world, and due to nature we have this evil within ourselves as well (“’For the nefesh of the flesh is in the blood.’ From this nefesh stem all the evil characteristics, deriving from the four evil elements within it,” Chapter 1 Tanya), but that is a topic in and of itself for another time.

The world may not yet be able to open itself up to these types of values and ethics but it is only a matter of time.

Chassidus is a tool of education that allows a human being to tap into their true potential, affecting everyone around them, and the world at large as a result.

If you base your self-worth on your personal achievements and material gains, you will view everyone else in this light, too – In a very shallow and superficial way. In a way that causes turbulent and unhealthy relationships. If you view yourself as a soul, however, who is an extension of G-d, with talents and abilities and gifts just waiting to be unlocked and given over to the world, then you will love yourself for who you truly are – a soul, and as a result you will love others for being souls, too.