Zero Tolerance For Bullying!

MyLife Essay Contest

These are famous words. Schools today will not be caught without this statement on their school policy. However, how effective is it? We find that less important school policies, carrying smaller punishments, are often successful. Yet, although the punishment for bullying ranges from a dressing-down by the principal, to expulsion, classrooms are rife with all sorts of social issues.

This essay will explain a few tactics on dealing with unpleasant social scenes in the classroom. Firstly, the effective and life-changing way that we, as educators should view our students. Secondly, how to eradicate the negative behaviour. And thirdly, how to encourage positive behaviour. These concepts are based on the following Chassidic teachings:

1. The Besh”t’s teaching that every Jew is desired land (Hayom Yom, 17 Iyar)
2. The Tzemach Tzedek’s teaching (Derech Mitzvosecha) on “The Prohibition of Hating a Fellow Jew, and the Commandment to Love a Fellow Jew.”
3. The Rebbe’s teaching (Likutei Sichos, volume 27, Emor 1) on positive speech.

Our Precious Diamonds

It is written “For you shall be a cherished land” (Malachi). The Baal Shem Tov expounded on this verse that every Jew is called “cherished land.” What is so great about the earth? When we look at it, it seems lowly and downtrodden. However, all the greatest treasures are found within the earth, such as diamonds and precious metals. When they are discovered, they are not brilliantly cut and sparkling; a great deal of work is needed to bring about breathtaking results. They must be dug out, cleaned, polished, and cut. The tools are used gently and precisely, for the slightest scratch can irreparably devalue or destroy the gem.

As educators, we are aware that all of our children are diamonds, both those that are giving the unpleasant treatment, as well as those receiving the treatment. Therefore, how effective is it to title behaviours “bullying?” It is such a strong and ugly word, one that a child would not personally relate to. I have yet to meet a child that will declare, “Yes! I am a bully!” Even when they are confronted with the fact that the behaviours that they are demonstrating fall within the “bullying criteria” they will likely respond with the following: “I didn’t realize.” “I didn’t mean it, it was a mistake.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t do it.” “She started.” And who knows – maybe she did start? Every story has two sides, doesn’t it? What’s the teacher to do?

The first step is for the teacher to take a step up, not just a step back. These two precious children are diamonds. They need some polishing, from a skilled and loving hand. They need direction, and that can only take place when the teacher is their guide, and provides a clear policy of acceptable behaviours. When a teacher takes a step down into the battlefield, it doesn’t help at all! Of course, there are times when a conversation must be made, but only for the purpose of the children to communicate their feelings to each other. The conversation is not to determine who the “bully” is and who the “victim” is. For only G-d can know that. We, who witness the behaviour, such as touching someone’s school bag without permission, need to merely state succinctly: “Our class policy does not allow you to touch her bag.” And it works! How? Read on . . .

Eradicating Negative Behavior

There must be a policy in place, in the classroom, at the very beginning of the year that details the specific behaviours that are permitted and forbidden to all the children equally. It is not a vague statement, such as “we will strive to be kind to each other.”

Why is such a policy necessary?

The teacher must passionately share the following with her students. The Tzemach Tzedek, in his work Derech Mitzvosecha, explains that the Jewish people are one body. We are all compared to different limbs, yet we all play a necessary role. Therefore, it is ridiculous to claim that so-and-so is not wanted in our class! We pray to G-d, and depend on Him, for of all of our needs and wants. In the times of the Temple, prayer was achieved with offering sacrifices, and the sacrifice had to be completely perfect. The slightest blemish or imperfection would render the animal unfit for G-d. When we pray to G-d, we must insure that our soul is also perfectly complete. This is accomplished by loving every Jew, for if we say – I wish this girl was not in our class – we are cutting off a part of our own soul! My soul would thus be unfit to receive G-d’s blessings.

This teaching is life-changing, for it puts a completely different twist on the student’s attitude. Previously, she may have believed that “this girl doesn’t deserve my kind words. She’s a nerd. She’s a tag-along. She’s annoying.” In the worst case scenario, she’ll “bully” her. And in the best case scenario, she’ll feel, “I don’t want to be nice to her, but I will, out of the goodness of my heart.” However, now that she is aware of the important fact that “all Jews are necessary limbs of one body”, and that G-d needs us to be united in order to pour down His blessings on she herself, she will realize that it is in her own best interest to treat every human being the way they ought to be treated! She herself is benefiting from this! And the knowledge that every classmate is like one limb of the body is incredibly relevant. Each one of them is needed, and therefore, wanted! The constant emphasis, given by her educator, in the form of inspirational stories and activities, and even parent-performed skits (that are incredibly powerful in portraying the behaviours – and instantly internalized by the children) will slowly polish her negative habit of dwelling on the annoyances, and instead, bolster her realization and acceptance of her friend’s hidden talents and ability to contribute. Judaism is rich with stories of individuals who appeared to lack worthy qualities, and then managed to save entire communities. Such inspiration is given as a diamond would be cared for, slowly, gently, and continuously. For we want our diamonds to shine from their essence. We don’t simply want to achieve the result of superficial calm, where the child learns to be smarter, and more subtle, with her unacceptable behaviours. We want to reveal her beautiful and essential core.

And along with this striking approach, our children, being the children that they are, need clear guidelines outlining what exactly is permitted and forbidden, along with the appropriate positive/negative consequences. Meaning, these are the traits and behaviours that result in unity or disunity. Following this policy results in our class remaining “one complete body.” This policy is then signed by the child, their parents, their teachers, and principal, in order for the child to be allowed to attend this class. Then, everyone is on board! And when the teacher has to gently reprimand a child, it is quick, calm, and effective. There is no mention of bullies. Because none of our precious charges are bullies! Just some are in more need of polishing… and isn’t that why we’re here?

Focusing on the Positive

We have thus far clarified to the child the benefits of not behaving in a mean, rude way to their friends. This is only the first step. We want to truly instil within them the loftier ideal of seeing the positive in each other, for the inevitable result is that the negativity will disappear, as darkness disappears when confronted by light.

The Tzemach Tzedek continues his discourse by questioning the famous response of Hillel, to the question of “Teach me the whole Torah on one foot.” Hillel said, “Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to yourself. This is the whole Torah and the rest is commentary.” The Torah is usually very careful to word things in a positive manner. Why was this statement issued in the negative, rather than the positive? (“Do to others…”) Apparently, there is a certain behaviour that should not be done, which is the “whole Torah,” which completely captures the essence of the goal.

Our Sages say, “A person sees no flaw within himself.” Now, this doesn’t mean that he isn’t aware of his shortcomings, for after all, while others see him with their eyes, he knows what’s in the depths of his soul! Rather, it means that his faults don’t disturb him, due to his self-love, and therefore, he isn’t sufficiently bothered to fix the problem. However, when someone points out the issue to him, he gets angry, although he knows that it’s true! Since his friend is bringing his previously concealed problem out into the open, it is now real and tangible. So, “what’s hateful to you” – having your shortcomings revealed, “do not do to your fellow” – don’t expose his faults and imperfections. Instead, shower him with the same blind love with which he loves himself, in which the issue is concealed and insignificant. When we Jewish people are so united, Hashem is completely unified with us – and therefore, as Hillel concluded, “This is the entire Torah and the rest is commentary.”

If, G-d forbid, we make a point of noticing and announcing our classmate’s flaws, then G-d could see our flaws as well, and particularly those of the individual who is causing the disunity. Yet, when we ignore the faults, then G-d “sees no fault” – He doesn’t notice them! His great love for us covers them completely! This brings to life the Previous Rebbe’s comment, “Ahavas Yisroel is precious to G-d, for to G-d, every Jew is a Sefer Torah.” Such inspiring words, reviewed continuously, can only leave a positive impression on the class.

The Rebbe, in a thought-provoking discourse, delivered on the week of Emor (meaning “say”), suggests a tangible and concrete way to increase this positivity. It is practical, and utterly simple to introduce into the classroom, and it fills the atmosphere with positive feelings.

G-d has an incredible power that the things that He says automatically occur. His speech alone has creative power! We humans seem like we can talk and talk, yet until we do something, nothing will change. However, since we Jews are innately connected to G-d, there is an area where our speech has a creative power as well, and that is especially when we are speaking about our fellow.

It is explained that evil gossip hurts three people, the gossiper, the listener, and the one whom they are talking about. Now, we can understand why the first two are punished, but why is the poor girl who was discussed, punished? It isn’t her fault that her classmates were gossiping about her. The explanation is that speech actualizes what was previously hidden. When two girls are speaking negatively about a third, they actually bring out this negative behaviour in the girl, and therefore makes it easier for her to sin, thus drawing down negative consequences.

We know that the positive is much more powerful than the negative. Therefore, if speaking negatively causes such grave results, imagine how incredible is the power of speaking positively about others! When one girl compliments another, she is revealing and strengthening her positive qualities and characteristics.

Many short-term projects can encourage and empower girls to look at each other with a positive eye. They can write notes and put them in a compliment box, or they can cut words and pictures out of a magazine and create a collage for a friend. Younger children can even receive incentives for doing so, for as the Rambam teaches, an educator should reward a child for good behaviour when they’re younger, so that when they mature, they will be used to behaving in such a way. We usually don’t have to dig very deep in order to find good things to say, and when we make it worth it for girls to look at each other with a good eye, this will eventually become second nature!

Conclusion

The teachings of Chassidus are relevant to all ages and stages, and hold the answers to all of our questions and problems, including the all-pervasive issue of bullying. It guides us, as educators, on how to view our children, and replace their negative vices with positive characteristics. May we succeed in our lofty goal, of raising a generation of diamonds who will be wonderful siblings and friends, and spouses, parents, and contributors to our communities! And when Moshiach arrives, may it be very soon, we will be able to present him with our diamonds, and proudly announce, “See the children that we have raised!”

P.S. To simplify matters, this essay was written as a teacher for girls. Obviously it applies to boys, and parents, as well.