Preempting Anger

MyLife Essay Contest

In the average daily life we are required to interact with countless individuals throughout our busy days. Often times, people are rude to us and/or give us negative input. Many a person react on the same token as the subject who caused them distress.

Chassidic thought provides us with tools to cease such stressful situations. In this essay, we apply the concepts of hiskafia, hischapcha and bittul to change the way we respond to negative input and how we feel about it.

Contemporary life challenges us to be emotionally intelligent to deal with interpersonal relationships on a daily basis. Our family, workplace, marketplace and social medias, just to name a few scenarios, require our constant interaction.

For that, we should have tools to working on our personal balance and pursuit of happiness. Especially when we are confronted with adversities.

In the maamar Basi leGani, the sixth Lubavitcher Rebbe and the current Lubavitcher Rebbe explain the concepts of hiskafia and hischapcha and in the maamar Yehuda Atah, the current Lubavitcher Rebbe elucidates the subject of bittul.

Hiskafia can be explained as the ability to contain oneself from giving into temptation, thereby refraining from doing an unhealthy act. Hischapcha, on the other hand, is changing the temptation altogether and channeling it to a healthy action. Bittul, translated as self-nullification, is the power to let go of self and fully dedicate to a higher good.

These three concepts can be applied in our daily lives whenever we face negative input. This application is specifically relevant when we receive a bad reaction without having caused it purposely.

Let’s take an example:

You are at the supermarket choosing items from the shelf, when someone asks you to move out in a very impolite manner.

Instead of being angry at the person, or feeling bad about ourselves we can apply the concepts of hiskafia, bittul and hischapcha.

First and foremost we must refrain from answering immediately.
By doing that, we enable ourselves to use our rationale instead of our emotions.

Having our brains command our heart is one of the basic tenets of Chabad Chasidism.

Then, we should realize that how the person acts towards us, has very little to do with what we did and more to do with the person’s own emotional state. Thus, we can understand that the negative input is not so much about us.

Nevertheless, if it was conveyed to us, there probably is a lesson to learn, as nothing in this world happens by mere chance.

Now, we have the opportunity to humble ourselves, let go of our egos and respond to the person who gave us negative input.
It should be clear to us that he is probably going through a difficult time himself.

In such a banal example, we could answer with a smile in our face something like:
“I am sorry I caused you an inconvenience, would you be so kind and accept my apologies?”

The other person might smile back and realize that his input was improper, or just say “OK”, and even more, could answer something rude back.

Despite the response from the offender, answering back in a non-judgmental positive note, will most definitely avoid the negative effect such an interaction can have throughout our day.

The main key to this methodology is the actualization that it’s not so much about us or about what we do.
Therefore, whenever someone gives negative input we should not take it personally. Rather, realize that there is lesson embedded to make us a better individual.

To achieve that, refraining from answering back in the heat of the moment, and with our own emotions, is the first step. When we take a deep breath it’s possible to step out of the situation, clear all feelings of guilt, shame, anger and anxiety and finally change it for the good, offering a warm response to the offender, who most probably is going through some kind of trouble himself.

Like that, we empower ourselves positively and are able to neutralize negative feelings.

To summarize, below is the method to be applied:

1. Negative Input
2. Hiskafia – Don’t answer immediately;
3. Bittul – Step out, it’s not about you;
4. Hischapcha – Answer positively.

The methodology described above is just one example of how we can apply these concepts to our everyday. It’s easy to derive many applications to much more complex situations. Considering they come from holy sources, its incorporation in one’s life will surely add meaning and goodness and hasten the arrival of Moshiach.