Pain And Suffering

MyLife Essay Contest

Can you go on with your life when hit over the head with tragedy? Can a mother who lost her child go on to be a functional human being? Can a man whose entire business is lost leaving him penniless still function as the leader of his family? Can a girl who lost her father as a mere thirteen-year-old go on to build her own family and be a positive person?

I grew up in a family where Chassidus is like a drug. The same way a father might suggest that his child take anti-depressants when necessary, my father would suggest to us, “Go learn chapter 22 of Tanya” or “Let’s review what Lihaskilcha Bina¹ teaches us.” This is what got us through the tragedies that our family was hit with, not only to places where we can function normally, but to the point where we are happy people ourselves and we are able to bring happiness to others. What exactly does this “drug” do? Chassidus brings a whole new perspective to what pain and suffering really is and teaches us how a person can not only survive a tragedy, but thrive after it. Chassidus teaches that G-d is good and therefore everything that He does is good.

The Process

Step 1: Grieve the Tragedy

One year ago, on Ten Adar II, Rashi Minkowicz, a thirty seven year-old Chabad emissary, passed away suddenly leaving behind her beautiful family and many friends. Since I attended a Chabad high school, my entire school was reeling from shock. Some of us had been counselors in her daycamp. Both her mother and father were teachers in our school. After returning from her funeral, Rabbi Yosef Y. Jacobson came to talk to us and bring some order to all of us hysterical girls. He told a story of a wealthy Rabbi whose entire fortune lay in his fleet of ships. The Rabbi’s fleet of ships had been destroyed in a storm. Of course, no one wanted to be the one to break the news to the Rabbi. One of the Rabbi’s top students asked the Rabbi, “Is it true what you taught us, ‘Just as one recites a blessing for his good fortune, so must he also recite a blessing for his misfortune’?” The Rabbi said, “Yes, of course!” The student then asked, “Does this mean that the person must even dance after hearing about his misfortune?” The Rabbi replied, “Yes, of course.” “What if you found out that your fleet of ships had been destroyed? Would you rejoice and dance?” asked the student. “Yes, yes,” answered the Rabbi. “Well, start dancing…” said the student. To this the Rabbi fainted. When he came to, he said, “Suddenly I don’t understand the teaching that I taught you.”

Although the tragedies that happen to us are indeed blessings in disguise, as will be dicussed in Step 2, this concept is too difficult to internalize immediately. So first we grieve. The Torah understands that we are human and therefore set up a mourning process after death strikes. This is the first step. To grieve.

Step 2: Recognize the Source of the Tragedy

Chapter 26 of Tanya, the basis for Chassidus, explains this concept thoroughly: Our sages have advised: “Just as one recites a blessing for his good fortune, so must he also recite a blessing for his misfortune².” Why? For it, too, is for the good, except that it is not apparent to mortal eyes, for it stems from the “hidden (spiritual) world,” which is higher than the “revealed (spiritual) world.”³“Misfortunes” are actually blessings in disguise! They represent an even higher level of good than the revealed good, since they originate in a higher world.

“GPS for the Soul” by Rabbi Nadav Cohen gives some insight as to how this concept can possiby make any sense, “When a sick child is given bitter medicine, he cries, certain that his parents hate him… The deepest bond and the strongest, most powerful love is revealed specifically when the parents are causing their child discomfort in order to heal him…” We are limited human beings and therefore like a child we cannot see how our pain and suffering is for our good, but it is, for our Father in Heaven would never cause us needless pain.

If a person truly absorbs the above, he can be freed of all kinds of suffering. Depression, anxiety, worry, and stress can all be drowned out with feelings of trust in G-d, a good G-d who is entrusting him with a challenge that only seems bad to our mortal eyes and is in truth a path to come closer to G-d.

Mrs. Devorie Kreiman lost four children to a genetic disorder and then a fifth in an accident. In a talk about recovering from loss she said, “When I flew to New York for my daughter’s wedding, I was about to get into the taxi when I noticed that my little blue suitcase, which was supposed to contain lots of things for the wedding, looked a little different. My heart dropped, I opened it up, and there lay a bunch of college papers. I found an identification and switched the suitcases thank G-d. When you come off the plane and you’re looking at the carousal, do you think to yourself, ‘Oh, that designer suitcase looks nice… maybe I should take that one’? No! You want your old, torn-up suitcase because that’s the suitcase that has the clothes that fit you and the things needed for whatever you came on your trip to accomplish. The same thing is with the life you were given. G-d gives us lots of baggage, a life filled with tragedies and happy things, too. Everything happens for a purpose. The purpose is to live a meaningful life. To take everything in your suitcase and use it as a way to become closer to G-d.”⁴

This is the second step. After grieving, it’s time to discover where our troubles are coming from. To understand the basic concept of Divine providence, that anything happening in our lives, whether good or bad, is not just by chance, but rather G-d’s plans. Our lives are perfectly packed “suitcases” that G-d Himself packed. Since G-d is the One who created us, surely He knows what our strengths and weaknesses are and wouldn’t throw in anything He saw we couldn’t handle. And then to come to a further understanding that G-d is good and the only reason something may seem bad is because it’s coming from “the hidden (spiritual) world,” where G-d’s light is in fact even greater than the light in the “revealed (spiritual) world,” it is just concealed to our mortal eyes. This means that not only are our misfortunes not random, but rather Divine providence, but they are in fact good! This second level of understanding is, of course, a lot harder to really internalize.

Step 3: Move On. Use the Tragedy as a Reason to Come Closer to G-d and Be a Better Person

Being that this misfortune is in fact from G-d’s greatest light, it can be used as a tool to come closer to G-d. Mrs. Kreiman told about a film she watched of an old Jew who returns to his broken home and starts to rebuild from the rubble, “As he’s rebuilding a stick is thrown at him. He takes the stick and uses it to build his home. Then a brick is thrown at him, and it hits him hard, but he uses it to help him rebuild his home.” We must use the stones that G-d throws at us as a way to rebuild. When the Jews were leaving Egypt, they came to the Yam Suf and the Egyptians were coming behind them. Some of them wanted to fight the Egyptians, some wished to commit suicide, some began to pray, and others were ready to surrender. G-d was not happy with any of these solutions and commanded, “Forge forward!” and they did and the sea split for them⁵. If only we can keep trucking after a tragedy, G-d will make great miracles for us.

Mrs. Lynda Fishman, a woman whose mother and two sisters were killed in an airplane accident when she was thirteen years old, said, “When a person gets lost on the road, will he stop and think about how and why he got lost? He’ll recalculate his G.P.S. and move on… Focus on the future… Move on… Dedicate your life to helping others… Not only will this distract you from the misery of your tragedy but it will make you happy because being fulfilled brings happiness… Focus on the revealed good in your life… Count your blessings.⁶”

Mrs. Fishman’s words are wise but it is important to focus this growth to spiritual growth. We now know that tragedies and misfortunes are really coming from G-d’s utmost goodness, therefore the tragedies we are faced with should be used to come closer to G-d. To do more Torah and mitzvos and strengthen our connection to our Father in Heaven.

Conclusion

When hit with misfortune: grieve it, remember where it came from- that in fact it is good because it is from the “hidden (spiritual) world,” and use it to move on and be a better, more spiritual person than before.

Disclaimer

This is only when it comes to one’s own personal tragedy. When the person next to us is going through pain we have no right to start thinking “It’s G-d! G-d did this to him. In truth it’s good!” As the Baal Shem Tov said, “Everything comes from G-d. Even atheism comes from G-d! When should we be atheists? When another person is in pain.” When another person is in pain, we may not make calculations as to whether he should truly rejoice in his misfortune for it may in fact be a blessing in disguise… we have to remove G-d from the picture, and help him out in any way we can.⁷

My Inspiration

There are three things that must affect a person: money, alcohol, and Chassidus. If a person has money and doesn’t become crazy from it, give him a little more money and he’ll surely become crazy. If a person drinks alcohol and doesn’t become drunk, give him a little more alcohol and he’ll surely become drunk. If a person learns Chassidus and doesn’t become a happier, more refined person, give him some more Chassidus and he’ll surely be affected. Thank G-d I was given a father who learnt Chassidus, and learnt enough that it actually affected him and helped him deal with his losses. G-d gave my father a suitcase packed with many losses, starting with his father’s passing when he was fourteen years old, followed by the loss of four siblings. My father, to me, is living proof of what it means to take everything in this essay and make it real, to use Chassidus as a tool to be a happy person and make those around us happy too, despite tragedy. My inspiration for this essay is my father.

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