Growing through Recognition of Duality

MyLife Essay Contest

Major life problems are often the byproduct of one’s perspective.  Indeed, the majority of life’s struggles are largely based on our perception of reality.  However, when approaching these issues through a “Chassidic lens,” we often find that these supposed life problems are truly nonexistent.  Take, for example, one who shockingly discovers that his savings accounts indicate a balance of $0.00; assuming his savings accounts have been liquidated, it is understandable that this individual would be distraught.  On the other hand, if he is informed that the real cause for this is a mere computer glitch and in reality his accounts remain intact, such a mishap wouldn’t phase him.  Taking a similar approach, i.e. altering one’s outlook on day-to-day struggles, will undoubtedly lead to welcomed relief.

The concepts discussed herein are largely predicated upon the concept of Shtei Nefashos (two souls) as elucidated by the Alter Rebbe in Tanya.  As will be discussed below, applying this concept in the appropriate manner will lead to a recognition that not only are many of life’s apparent issues mitigated, rather in reality they were truly nonexistent. Following are some examples of life scenarios in which many of us find ourselves.

Sara went to a Jewish day school all her life and after high school attended a seminary for a year in Israel. When asked about her experience, she says, “That year was amazing. The learning was great, the atmosphere so inviting. I was so motivated to do mitzvos, keep Shabbos to its fullest, not compromise on kosher, etc.  Now I’m back in the states and the inspiration has worn off. I’m lax about Shabbos. If a group of friends want to go to a non-kosher restaurant, I don’t have the courage to say no. I feel my year in Israel was a complete fake. This, in turn, causes me to be further disenchanted with my Judaism. Was it merely a byproduct of my surroundings,or even worse, a complete brainwash by my teachers? I am not really true to myself, because if I were real, when I’m back in my normal surroundings, I would be able to sustain my enthusiasm.”

Mr. Stein is a devoted family man, dedicated to his wife and kids. At work, there is a co-worker whom he is attracted to. He contrives all types of ways to spend time with her, to eat lunch together, and the like. “Although I still feel in love with my wife, I’m doubting my marriage. Are we just roommates? If I care for my wife, how can I hurt her by getting involved with someone else?” Ultimately, Mr. Stein concludes that his marriage has just gone stale with the passing of time, and his feelings for his coworker are the symptoms of the lost marriage.

“I went to yeshivah my entire life. Now I’m in law school and working at a law firm,” relates Akiva. “I see within myself that the only thing I really care about is the trajectory of my career.  How much money will I make? What type of vacations will I be able to afford?  My social status. The prestige placed upon me as a high powered attorney. It seems so burdensome to go to shul every morning. Do I go to shul on Shabbos just culturally? To fit in to the community? I’m now starting to doubt my beliefs. Did I really ever believe in G-d, or I just never wanted to rock the boat? I’m even building some resentment towards religion, as being inhibitive towards achieving my goals. This is causing much conflict within myself, my family, as well as how to raise our kids.”

Mrs. Goldstein always comments to her friends that “religious people are all hypocrites,” and other similar judgmental statements. “He says he’s religious, goes to synagogue every day, but in business he’s a complete cheat,” referring to her accountant. “My neighbor’s son is Orthodox, but I see him smoking marijuana in his backyard sometimes.  And how can a Rabbi claim to be observant and then be involved in human organ trafficking?”

In psychology, the discomfort one feels when one’s behavior is not in line with his or her beliefs, is referred to as cognitive dissonance.

The advice given in such situations, is to change one or more of the attitudes, or to reduce the importance of the cognitions (i.e. beliefs, attitudes), ₁  suggesting that the two attitudes can’t coexist and you must choose one over the other. Although this initially might be good advice, it does not address the pniymyut, the underlying reason of why they are uncomfortable with themselves. Ultimately, this advice, can be detrimental.

For example, to Sara, conventional wisdom would say, that she sees herself slipping, so she should decide where she wants to be. She is either committed to yiddishkeit, Judaism, or part of the American pop culture. They can’t coexist. Sara might be able to throw herself into the right things, but what happens when once again she falters? It further reinforces her notion that she’s not being true to herself.

To Mr. Stein, the advice would be to go on a date night with his wife, and reignite the spark in his marriage. His marriage, or lack thereof, must be the source of why he pursues a co-worker, otherwise  he would automatically cut ties. Strengthening the Stein’s marriage is obviously a good idea, but that’s not the source of the problem. As time passes, even with date nights with his wife, Mr. Stein will still be looking for ways to spend time with his co-worker, leaving him more confused.

“Money isn’t everything,” is what one would tell the career driven lawyer, Akiva. “Money comes and goes.” Akiva must have his moment of truth of what’s really important to him, or else he’s living a double life. This will work for a while, as he feels guilty for just wanting to pursue money and power. But, guilt can only go so far. The feeling of dissonance will eventually return.

For Mrs. Goldstein, and to other religious critics, one would say that not everybody is hypocritical. There are many people who are genuine. This can help her see religion in a positive light, but does nothing to mitigate the judgmental attitude. On the contrary, it reinforces the notion that many people are hypocritical.

This line of advice is rooted in a fundamental misunderstanding of our personalities and what we are made up of. It sees us as being made up of just one Soul (motivating forces of our personalities).

However, with the foundation that the Alter Rebbe set forth for us in Tanya, that we are made up of Two Souls, we can now look at all the above scenarios with a fresh perspective and attitude. ₂ One is a Selfish Soul, which pursues the here and now; what’s good for it, not taking into consideration how it fits in the greater scheme of things. The second, is a Purposeful Soul, a recognition that the world is much deeper than one’s own existence and is a part of a grand plan of creation.₃ (By a Jew, the Purposeful Soul has the ability to be completely altruistic, and by a non-Jew has the ability to pursue loftier pursuits).

What Sara is experiencing is normal based on her make-up. She is comprised of two souls-forces pushing her in different directions. Knowing this, will undoubtedly help her realize that her time spent in Israel keeping Torah and mitzvos was indeed a true expression of herself.  Furthermore, when she returned home and began to stray from the path that was also a true expression of herself. The latter expression is rooted in the Selfish Soul, while the former is rooted in the Purposeful Soul. By realizing this, Sara will no longer feel disenchanted towards her Judaism. She will understand, that at the same time that she appreciates the value of Hashem’s mitzvos (commandments) which bring meaning and purpose to this world, she is still pulled by a more tangible pleasure.

Mr. Stein’s predicament is not necessarily because of his marriage. Whilst he is deeply committed to his family due to his Purposeful Soul, he desires his co-worker due to his Selfish Soul (which wants what excites him and makes him feel good now.) This presents a challenge, but is in no way a testimony of the state of his marriage. Seeing it as such will restore his confidence in his marriage and family.

Akiva’s newfound desire for materialism is not indicative on whether he believes in G-d or not. Being aware of his Two Souls, he will come to realize that his desire for materialism and his belief in Hashem, G-d, are not mutually exclusive; instead, his desire for money is driven by his Selfish Soul, while his belief in Hashem, G-d, is driven by his Purposeful Soul.  Certainly, once he recognizes that each has its place and that his desire for money is propelled only by his Selfish Soul, Akiva will come to recognize he has a far greater purpose in life.

Mrs. Goldstein’s perspective is perverted, in that she believes it is impossible to be involved with good while also struggling with greed or other issues.  She must recognize that we each have two souls whose purposes are contradictory to one another, and with that, she will be able to appreciate the good that everyone does, notwithstanding the baggage that comes along with the Selfish Soul.

This outlook is obviously how we should view others, when we see their faults. For ourselves, recognizing that this is how we are wired, is not an excuse. It helps us not become disillusioned with ourselves, gives us the confidence to overcome our challenges, and allows us to pursue purposeful meaningful lives, as we fit into the Wholeness of Creation.