Discovering Reality for Fun

MyLife Essay Contest

Doing what’s right vs. doing what’s fun. This sentence just about sums up the issues and difficulties a  person faces in his internal struggle to serve Hashem. There’s that which is true and proper (i.e. keep Torah and Mitzvos,) but isn’t enjoyable, versus that which is enjoyable and exciting, yet wrong. In this essay I will resolve this issue based on two fundamental Chassidic concepts:

a) A true definition and understanding of the term “bittul” (nullification),

b) Hashem’ s infinite, intimate love for every single Jew.

These ideas are based on the most fundamental ideas taught by Chassidus and lay the groundwork upon which one’s entire life should be built.

Every person has his wants and desires which he feels will bring him pleasure. However, very often these things which he wants to do are prohibited by the Torah and not acceptable for one who lives such a lifestyle. Especially when it comes to leading a Chassidishe lifestyle, acting according to what Chassidus and our Rebbes mandate, it almost feels like whatever is ‘fun’ is not allowed. And therefore, to live a frum chassidishe lifestyle, one must sacrifice on his physical and material enjoyment. The person may even know and appreciate that Yiddishkeit and Chassidishkeit are true and what he ought to be doing, and he might even choose to follow this path, yet he feels like he is required to forego on his own wants and desires. And therefore the questions arise; is being miserable the only way to be a frum chassidishe person? And if so why would I “buy into it”?

“Bittul” is an oft-mentioned concept in Chassidus and is loosely translated as “nullification” or “self- nullification.” Chasidus speaks at length in countless places how every creation is “bottul” (adj. for “bittul) to its source, namely the G-dly life-force imbued in it, that gives it existence. Creations only exist thanks to the G-dly life-force imbued in them, and on their own they have no independent life or existence. So too, Yiddishkeit demands that every Jew become “bottul” — nullify himself to Hashem and His wishes. At first glance, this seems to be a very negative, oppressing attitude. This means that one has to go against who he is and “nullify” himself to Hashem and His Torah. If the Torah dictates contrary to his desires, he is demanded to forego on himself, quash his “existence,” and dedicate himself to Hashem. Here is where the struggle of “right vs. fun” comes in. What the person wants to do, follow his physical drives and instincts face off against what G-d wants from him. The person feels restricted and boxed in by what the Torah demands of him, thus begging the question, why would I want to “buy into this?”

The solution to this requires a redefinition of the term “bittul.” In Derech Mitzvosecha, on pg. 32, the author, the Tzemach Tzedek, discusses this exact issue. The maamar (Chassidic discourse) quotes the famous story in the Torah of “the spies,” sent by Moshe to spy on the land of Israel, and instead of coming back and assuring the Jewish people of the wonderfulness of the land, they came back with a negative report, one of their complaints being, “it is a land that consumes its inhabitants.” The maamar explains that what they were actually saying was, “the land of Israel,” which in spiritual terms refers to the life-force of all the worlds, i.e. the G-dly energy that vivifies all of creation, “consumes its inhabitants,” does not give room for any individual creation’s existence, and in the face of it, all created beings are “bottul”, consumed and nullified. In the context of the spies’ story they were saying, “We don’t want to go up to the land of Israel and have a revelation of Hashem’s life-giving energy, because if we do, we will become completely “bottul,” and our existence, will be no more. In other words, they were grappling with the same exact struggle as the one mentioned before, the struggle between the “right”, G-d, Who, in the face of His life-giving-energy nothing has any existence, and the “fun,” the creations independent existences and what they desire, (beginning, obviously, with the desire for independent existence.)

However, the maamar explains, the spies were wrong. They misunderstood “bittul.” “Bittul” does not mean losing one’s identity and becoming non-existent rather, to the contrary, “bittul” is the revelation of one’s ultimate existence. Bittul does not contradict one’s individual being, it is his “real being.” Bittul is, “who I really am.” Every creation’s ultimate “who I really am” is the G-dly life-force that sustains it. Therefore, the spies were wrong, because, when the Jewish people would go up to the land of Israel and experience the revelation of Hashem, not only they would they not lose their existences, rather, their ultimate existence would be revealed. The revelation of every Jew having a G-dly source would permeate them, and automatically their lives would be more meaningful, because their true selves would be revealed.

It is self-understood that the best and only real way to lead a happy, meaningful life is through being true to oneself and acting based on who he really is. A person can only run away from himself, (convincing himself he’s having a good time), for so long. Chassidus explains that truthfully, the only way a person is going to be happy and live true to himself is through having Bittul. The only real way to be happy is by getting in touch with one’s real existence, his “who I really am.” The “who I really am” of every Jew is his soul, a soul which is literally a part of Hashem. A Jew’s connection with Hashem is not the connection of two separate things coming together, his connection is his essence, “who he really is.” Therefore, the only real path to “fun” is by staying true to oneself and being dedicated to Hashem and His Torah, which in other words, is his essence.

When the Russian police came to arrest the Alter Rebbe, he managed to slip out the back door and run away. He then met up with the venerable chassid Reb Shmuel Munkis and asked him what should he do, turn himself in or keep running? Reb Shmuel answered the Rebbe, “what are you worried about? If you are the Rebbe then you have nothing to fear (and you can go to prison, for no one can harm you), and if you are not the Rebbe, then (you deserve to be arrested, because) what gives you the right to take worldly pleasures  away from so many people!” We see from this story that a Rebbe taking away worldly pleasures from people is only a problem if he is not the real Rebbe, but if he is, it’s fine. Why? Because a real Rebbe, one who teaches real Torah and real Chassidus, replaces those pleasures with much deeper, truer enjoyment, the enjoyment of being “who I really am.”

The second component in solving the issue, Hashem’s love for every Jew, is one of the most essential in Chassidus, and was one of the Baal Shem Tov’s most fundamental teachings. Additionally, the Baal Shem Tov spent a vast portion of his life travelling around to little towns and villages, encouraging and uplifting Jews by teaching them of the love Hashem has for each one. This concept is expressed in a beautiful letter of The Rebbe, printed in Iggros Kodesh vol. 4 pg. 220. This letter was written to a woman who, as evident  from the letter, was going through incredible pain and suffering. The Rebbe quotes the Previous Rebbe who said in the name of The Baal Shem Tov, “every single Jew is dear to Hashem like an only child, and really, infinitely more, only that as people we cannot imagine a greater love than to an only child.” And being that Hashem is the ultimate of goodness, it follows that, just like a physical father wants good for his child both spiritually and physically, so too our Father in Heaven wants and does only good to us, physically and spiritually. This principle is essential and a person needs to be constantly mindful of it. For if he is, thereby establishing it as the basis for his “Avodah” (service of Hashem), then his avodah will not feel like a heavy burden placed upon him by a Supernal Being who is “out to get him,” so to speak, rather these are the Mitzvos of a loving father, one who cares for him and only does what’s best for him. With this in mind, coupled together with the understanding of “who I really am,” one’s avodah becomes easier and lighter, because, even if he doesn’t understand, nonetheless he knows that he has the Infinite Being who created the world on his side. Furthermore, even if he slips in his avodah, he won’t be disheartened, because he knows that, no matter where he goes or how low he falls, Hashem loves him. This thought will give him the  strength to stay strong and on course.

When a person learns about these two concepts, dwelling on them and constantly reminding himself on them, he will come to an unprecedented love and appreciation for Hashem, Yiddishkeit and Chassidishkeit. Chassidus teaches that ultimately, not only can one appreciate the value in Torah and Mitzvos which would call for him to sacrifice of himself, rather, he will come to realize, that ultimately, doing what’s right and doing what’s fun are one and the same.