Finding Inner Peace

MyLife Essay Contest

Based on the Rebbe Rashab’s maamar Heichaltzu 5659

Throughout the generations, Jews died with the words “Hear O Israel the Lord our G-d, the Lord is One,” on their lips. This is the ultimate declaration of a Jew’s faith and commitment to G-d.

What is the deeper meaning behind these words? ‘G-d is One’ implies much more than that there is no other G-d besides Him; it means that there is no existence other than Him.

This begs a question. If the whole point of Shema Yisrael is to affirm G-d’s complete singularity, why don’t we say that ‘G-d is Only’? Why do we use a terminology that implies a possibility for a second and perhaps a third – ‘G-d is One’ – when we could have chosen a wording that negates plurality all together – ‘G-d is Only’? ‘One’, after all, is still a number. ‘Only’, however, completely excludes the possibility of an other.

Chassidus answers this question by introducing a new level of unity. The standard unity is that of ‘Only’ – since G-d is One, nothing else can possibly exist besides for Him. But there is also a unity of ‘One’ – where there are different parts, there is diversity, yet the parts don’t contradict the whole, instead, they comprise the whole. Before creation, G-d was ‘Only’, but once the world and all of its disparity came into being, our job is to find G-d’s unity within the worlds pieces – to see how ‘G-d is One’.

The struggle to find unity is one which comes up in everyday life. We all experience conflicts, be it a business disagreement, marriage or sibling rivalry. This is true even on the microcosmic level. We all encounter inner conflict; we feel our lives pulled in opposite directions. We have values that often run into head on collisions and realities we refuse to embrace. For example, my priority to further my degree, negates my priority to earn money. How do I reconcile the opposing forces in my life? How can I see the different pieces as one cohesive picture? How do I find inner peace?

When one feels that the different facets of their life are in conflict, there are three possible responses. Lets use the example of work verse home – my boss wants me to work later hours but my wife wants me to be more present at home.

The first approach is to accept the differences and try to juggle all of them. The two parties come to a compromise, where they both benefit and sacrifice. Based on this template, I would stay late at work a few days per week.

The second approach is to choose one alternative. Weigh up the value of each of the conflicting factors select the option that maximizes profit and discard the rest. Choose one value, work or home, and make it a priority.

The third approach is to recognize that all of the contradicting priorities together make up the bigger picture of one’s life. Embrace them all, by realizing that these facets are not in opposition, but in harmony. This approach tells us to choose both work and home.

In order to know which approach to choose, let’s look at the advantages of each. The first approach chooses all but essentially chooses none for it believes that my values must be diluted in order to coexist. The second approach retains one focus in all of its intensity, yet demands I neglect the rest. The third approach is the fusion of the above two – it allows us to retain our variety of values in their pure concentrated form.

Lets zoom in on the third option. How is it possible for contradictions to coexist? Through finding the place where they are not different – revealing their common denominator.

Let’s use white light as an example. When white light is shone through a prism, it divides into a rainbow of colors. One who sees only the array of colors, would conclude that there are many separate, distinct colors. To stop seeing the purple as essentially different from the green would require recognizing that they came from the same white light. The same holds true in our lives. By revealing the common motivation driving all of life’s different components, we can begin to see these parts in synchrony and not in opposition.

The process of revealing the source corresponds to the idea that “G-d is Only” – relative to the source, there are no different parts. This is a great theory but ignores the fact that the differences and contradictions are very real to me. Practically, I can’t be at home and at work at the same time.

Practical reconciliation of contradictions means recognizing how the underlying motive is being expressed in each of the details. This is the “G-d is One” stage – finding the oneness within the parts. If my underlying drive is to a raise a beautiful family, then providing for them by working and being home to spend time with them are both expressions of my motive. Revealing the inner drive allows the details to coexist without being at war within me.

When values conflict on the superficial level, revealing their source is imperative to unifying them. Let’s analyze our example. I am conflicted between staying at work and spending time with my family. By recalling my underlying motivation and asking myself, “Which solution will best help me to raise a beautiful family?” I actually open my mind up to new options. There is actually an alternative that makes both work – to take some extra work home every night – that way I can eat dinner with my family, kiss my kids good night and nevertheless get more work done. Revealing the source allows me to choose both.

Let’s see how I could implement this new paradigm into my life:

There are three major steps to finding inner peace – differentiating, unifying, and recognizing that the two work hand in hand.

1. Identifying the differences. It is important to be clear about what exactly you need to resolve. Differentiating differences sets the groundwork to then go deeper and identify the common denominator that unites the various details.
2. Finding the common denominator. The only way to unite that which is different on the surface is by finding their deeper point of commonality.How to identify the common denominator: Everything we do or value in life is driven by some sort of reasoning. That reasoning, in turn, is built on a deeper motivation which is the expression of an even deeper motivation and so on until we reach the underlying drive of our lives. So here’s an exercise in peeling back the layers: For each of the conflicting factors in your life, ask yourself “Why is this so important to me? Why am I working so hard to achieve it?” Once you identify the answer ask this question about the answer. The deeper you dig the more closely you’ll find the contradicting facets resembling each other because at the end of all the “Whys” is the fundamental purpose of your life.
3. Finding motive expressed in all the details. After delving, you then need to identify how the core motivation is filtered into the different particulars of your everyday life.Your life’s core driving force needs to become the steering wheel behind the different parts of your life. Let your deeper motive dictate what you do and value so you can re-prioritize, placing emphasis on that which more closely serves your motive. Keep doing the same things you were doing before, but do them because they actualize a deeper purpose. The differing details are now a reflection of your one purpose, not in opposition.

For example, skin cells and blood cells appear very different yet they both originate from identical stem cells. At the chromosomal level all cells are identical, but nevertheless, each one must retain its own specific properties and not revert back to being a stem cell. When each cell fulfills its own particular function – after all, the potential of stem cells is only actualized when it differentiates into different cells – then blood and skin cells can work in synch, rather than negating each other.

Practical exercises:

Write down the following:
1) Define the contradicting factors of your life.
2) For each factor, ask yourself “Why?” For each answer, ask yourself “Why?” again. Look for the fundamental motivation.
3) Take a new sheet of paper and write this fundamental motivation at the top. Ask yourself “So what should I do to reach this?” and for each answer ask “So what should I do to reach this?” again until you find practical means of actualizing this goal.
4) Compare the initial factors of 2) with the results of 3). This will help you appreciate life’s different facets and re-evaluate where to invest your energy.

Revealing “G-d is One” in our personal lives, is the process that allows us to achieve inner peace. Once we acknowledge that the multiple facets of our life are not something to escape but something to unify, we’ll no longer feel the friction of clashing values.

Instead of hearing the many voices within us screaming over each other, we’ll be able to listen to the music of their unified harmony.