Fiery Time, Quality Time

MyLife Essay Contest

Run and Return for Love’s Sake

In our closest relationships, we seek the freshness and passion that fueled the initial bond, and the support and partnership that creates practical benefits and long-term value. Yet with long- distance living, long work hours, and the distraction and addiction of media and technology, so many relationships today are wildly out of balance. [Young people hastily seek FWBs—friends with benefits—while “friending” more and more strangers on social media. Long-term couples want more from each other, but don’t seem to know how to get it.] Through better understanding the concept of Ratzo veshuv, the run and return of the soul, we will explore the origin of dissatisfaction—the insatiable drive to achieve more—as well as the common problem of imbalance in relationships and the solution.

One of the principles in Chassidic thought is the idea that specific character traits and qualities, in essence, are neither positive nor negative; it depends on the context and how they are applied.

“Spiritual and physical are antithetical in their very essence. A superior quality in the physical is a deficiency in the spiritual. In material matters one who is “satisfied with his lot” is an individual of the highest quality. A person possessing this trait will, through effort, attain the highest levels. In spiritual matters, however, to be satisfied with one’s lot is the worst deficiency and leads G-d forbid to descent and falling.¹”

The virtue of satisfaction in material matters—in the sense of being grateful not in the sense of not being ambitious—is self-understood. Why satisfaction with one’s spiritual stature is seen as a deficiency requires more explanation.

On a basic psychological level, “there is always room for improvement”; a sense of comfort blocks the motivation to progress.  Likewise, spiritual thirst propels insight and meaning. On the deepest level, though, the soul is thirsty for progress—not just because it lacks something, or wants to excel, or because we have set higher standards— but because this is its nature.

And this level of spiritual dissatisfaction, of wanting more, is not about reaching a destination, but because of an instinctive need to travel. As soon as it reaches one level, it thirsts for more: to go higher, and ultimately, to break away and transcend.

The soul and the body are moving in opposite directions. The body is drawn toward physical pleasures, and the soul toward insight and spiritual delights. In the material world, wanting more is for gain or self-preservation. For the soul, the thirst is not simply about achieving or gain; it is the way the soul breaths. There is an infinite ladder to climb, and the soul cannot remain stationary for too long because a soul, by design, possesses infinite energy and potential. Thus, the soul ultimately cannot be satiated. When a person feels satisfied in spiritual matters and stops progressing, the soul’s breath is stifled.

“The soul of man is a candle of G-d” (Mishlei/Proverbs 20:27). The explanations of this verse in Chassidic literature² employ the image of a candle (flame and wick) to encapsulate this tension and struggle. The soul is like a flickering flame pulling upward—even though it will be extinguished and unable to illuminate below—while the wick, the body, keeps it grounded.

This insatiable drive to progress is an innate quality called ratzo—the run of the soul. Like a physical burst from a stationary position, the run of the soul is the term for the soul’s innate attraction to and movement toward its spiritual source.

Under extreme circumstances, the soul, through meditation, may experiences a huge run and become so aroused that it rushes to break free of the body’s limitations— a process called kalothanefesh (where the light is so great that it overwhelms the vessel.) Outside of elite mystics, this experience occurs in smaller doses and manifests as a search for meaning, a fiery love, or spiritual inspiration.

As great as this experience of the soul is seen to be, it is not the ultimate quality. The most basic reason is that according to Judaism, life in this world is precious and our purpose is to change this world, not escape it. The ability to take into account this overarching purpose, and to withdraw from one’s excitement and channel that spiritual energy—to give it context— is a separate power called shuv. Shuvexercises a different muscle of the soul.

Like ratzo, the concept applies on multiple levels—mystical, intellectual, emotional and practical. The general principle concerns the channeling of energy “downward” from the passion, the stabilization of the inspiration, and the ability to make sure that the ratzolands in the right place. ³ Harnessing that energy takes mindfulness and focus; otherwise, it may get lost or  misfire.

Though both are necessary movements of the soul, shuv is more difficult and more important. The reason it is more difficult is because it requires one to adhere to the big picture of the relationship, even if this runs contrary to one’s nature or experience. To allow the soul the wings to fly takes vision. To land well, after flying, is an even greater challenge.

Shuv is more important because, on a deeper level, the ultimate intent for creation is to channel light—one’s spiritual energy—within the world and to uplift the material.  Action is the soul vehicle to translate inner experience into impacting the outer world. The quality of shuv teaches that spiritual awakening and experience are only the first step to completing a divine purpose, and furthermore can be subtly self-interested. Without shuv one can experience transcendence, reach appreciation of unity, climb to the greatest spiritual heights— and still miss the mark. In the framework of Jewish mysticism, the measure of spiritual success, then, is not only experience, but impact. This is an additional element in one’s spiritual service that is missing from many Eastern philosophies.

The tension and interaction between these two movements—run and retreat—is ongoing. There is a pulsation and a crescendo, as the role of shuvis to provide a platform for an increasing ratzo, a temporary retreat in order to reach a higher run. Our job is to know how and when to engage both qualities.

“If your heart runs, return to One.”⁴

When it comes to love, the heart is always opening and closing. Complete divine service involves peace of mind, to the point that even within the flux, the rise and fall (ratzo veshuv), one can detect the big picture—the unified will/purpose—behind the constant fluctuation of experience.⁵  Both pulsations fulfill onepurpose.

Mastering these dual abilities is a fundamental recipe for success through many avenues of life. Yet there is often an imbalance to where one of these abilities is more dominant or expressed than the other. The consciousness to remember while in the moment of inspiration that the complete connection is not about indulging one’s own experience, or only following one’s heart, but rather, the aim is channeling that energy to accomplish a higher purpose has applications that stretch across the board.

As this concept of fire and practicality applies to marriage, the way someone approaches the relationship in attitude is often stronger in one of these but missing the other. The result is that the connection is either incomplete or unstable. A void or a fight can arise when one quality— either the fiery love (ratzo) or the actions (return)—are taken to the extreme without, or at the expense of, the other. The dreamer and the romantic that feels the intensity of love needs to make sure that the other’s needs are taken into account, for love, however powerful, is still about the person’s own excitement.

Conversely, actions are not enough. One must seek to nurture the inner experience— understanding and appreciating the unique qualities of the other, and developing the passion in the relationship. The nature of this type of imbalance stems from the fact that the person may be loyal, committed, doing everything right but not striving to increase that love and appreciation. Other times it is tilted in the opposite way in that one is very intuitive and appreciative of the other person—“nobody understands me like you…” or “we have this amazing connection”—yet there is not that sense of loyalty, or the ability to channel that energy within the daily practicalities that build a foundation and provide the context in which the relationship can blossom.

With new opportunities of business, the ease of travel, couples are sometimes working in different cities.  Even when families are together, there is the constant distraction of phones and media. It becomes harder to designate quality time to get to know each other (nurture the relationship and progress—ratzo.) Conversely, because of these modern trends, a movement away from the traditional concept of relationship, and the increased focus on “what I need out of a relationship” some of the discipline and loyalty is missing. The small gestures of being able to sit together, to cook for one another are the demonstration of giving—of coming back down from what appeals to you— may be absent.

The awareness and understanding of ratzo and shuv calls attention to the necessity of developing these complementary elements within the context of one’s life. Depending on one’s natural tendencies and lifestyle, there is usually a shift or expansion of one’s perspective. Either the recognition to develop the feelings and inspiration calls into question the satisfaction with action alone. Or once a person understands the value of shuv—the completion of the relationship or purpose—there is less resentment and a greater peace of mind when one must withdraw from the fervor. The next step, of course, is to setting aside time and space (mental space and physical space)⁶ to develop each of these skills.
The main message is that the concept of ratzo and shuv is not only for mystics, but is a fundamental idea that relates to every aspect of our lives. Within any relationship, and within the soul of a person, both of these qualities must be developed. It carries with it the notion that one must never be comfortable spiritually, but rather, always strive for more. This powerful drive to accomplish something great is an inherent quality, not an acquired trait. Passion and inspiration, however sublime and admirable, must find expression in tangible action.
Practical Tools:

• Install within the day periods to stimulate the ratzo(i.e. love and inspiration) such as through daily meditation, reflection, and prayer (or quality time with one’s spouse.)
• Check the balance. Am I working on the romantic aspect of the relationship? Am I working on the selfless aspect—even when I’m not excited or it’s hard—through practical actions?
• During moments of awakening, remain conscious that this revelation, intense excitement, etc. is only one side of the pendulum/half the picture until it finds expression in tangible action.
• One of the techniques to make sure the energy does not misfire or disappear is to implement the action in close proximity to the inspiration.

Footnotes and Sources

1. The Alter Rebbe’s response to a young genius famed for his intellectual gifts 1795… quoted in Hayom Yom

2. See Tanya Chapter 19

3. See Likutei Sichos vol. 3 p988 and many other discourses.

4. Sefer Yetzirah 1:4, see also Introduction to Tikkunei Zohar (7a.)

5. Sefer Hasichos 5751, p 555. Peace of mind is sensing the connection between parts. When the underlying force between all the different elements—i.e. One G-d— within one’s life is detected (they are working toward the same end) then they are no longer competing with each other, but harmonizing and enhancing each other. Only then does one have inner tranquility.

6. This is similar to the idea of having a fixed location (makomkavuah) to study and pray, or the idea of a miniature sanctuary. On a simple level it ensures the focus. On a deeper level it creates the spiritual environment for the energy to enter and permeate the person.